Announcer: Hello, and welcome to America’s faaaaavorite gameshow – HOW! MUCH! MONEY! Ladies and gentleman, here’s your host Briiiiick Rockford!
<The studio erupts in applause. Brick comes bounding out, dressed in a creamsicle-orange tuxedo and carrying an old-timey stalk microphone>
Brick: Thank you! Thank you! Folks, we’ve got a fantastic set of contestants for you tonight…
<The applause surges and Brick pivots to wave to the entire audience>
Brick: Yes! Okay, thank you, thank you so much!
<applause continues unabated, Brick takes an overly formal bow like a robot>
Brick: Ladies and gentleman, please! That’s too much, you’re too kind
<he mimes shooting the crowd with a machine gun, chuckles, then throws away the imaginary gun with an “oh you” gesture, causing the audience to go even wilder>
Brick: Please….. Okay, wow
Brick: Seriously now, really? You’re really still applauding? We’ve got a show to do here, people!
Brick: What’s going on here. Tom, can you hear me in the booth? Tom? What is wrong with this fuck….ing… audience…. My god. These people….
<The Camera pulls back to reveal the audience with gruesome metal contraptions fused to their backs. Cables slither over oily gears, jerking their palms together in a hideous cacophony>
Brick: Sweet mother of christ.
Tom: Brick! Brick, can you hear me? We just got a report of a suspect matching Puzzle Piece’s description leaving the studio lot two hours ago. Any sight of him?
Brick: Puzzle Piece was here all right. If only I’d gotten here sooner…
Tom: We’re too late then?
Brick: Yeah, we’re too late. Looks like we’ve got four hundred new contestants… for Million Dollar Dead-amid.
Next time, on Brick Rockford: Undercover Gameshow Detective!:
Chief: God DAMMIT Rockford. A hundred thousand dollars worth of damage, two stages destroyed and you still haven’t caught Puzzle Piece! You’re off the case!
Brick: But we’ve almost got him, chief! He’s left one clue at each crime scene so far, and tonight was the last piece of Puzzle Piece’s puzzle… piece. Just give me twenty-four hours and we’ll be back in the game!
Chief: You may get back in the game, but Puzzle Piece changed all the rules!
DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNN!
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