Bad Touch

Posted by on February 6, 2008 No comments

Dear Apple Motherfuckers,

Why are you sending me an email telling me you’re now making a 32 gig iPod Touch? You know I bought a 16 gig Touch from you in November, as evidenced by you sending me the email to the account I used when I registered said 16 gig Touch.

Does this new one come with the twenty dollars in applications that you would like to charge me for, or are they free like they are for everyone who bought a 16 gig Touch after January first? Oh, I know the answer is “Nope, haw haw”, I was just fuming about it. What amazes me is not that you are constantly changing your product lines in a ways that generates a burning sensation in all your customer’s pants, it’s that I am always surprised by it.

Yours, Soapbox Preacher

PS: Please eat the poop from my butt. I can’t believe you got me twice on the same product! Jesus Christ!

Down with the Sickness

Posted by on February 2, 2008 No comments

I’ve been battling some sort of cold for the past week. I thought it was beaten on Thursday, but it seems to be back with a vengeance now. So I spent most of today sleeping and watching movies. I just finished Lost in Translation, which I only watched because I saw Bill Murray in Groundhog Day this morning. I think I like Lost In Translation because it’s just a movie about being. I also think I like it because it’s almost a love story, and there’s something refreshing about that compared to most of the romantic comedy pap that gets made. M and I saw “27 Dresses” earlier this week and it was pretty disappointing for something that should be much better, given the people involved.

Demos A Go-Go

Posted by on January 25, 2008 No comments

In between rounds of Oasis’s “Wonderwall” in Rock Band, I took the opportunity to download two new demos – “Devil May Cry 4” on the PS3 and “The Club” on 360. Both games are due out in a few weeks; That’s right, the incredibly brief gaming drought is over already. I hope you all finished up Uncharted, Call of Duty 4, Assassin’s Creed, Super Mario Galaxy, Mass Effect and Orange Box in the last few weeks. Oh, you didn’t? Well, too bad.

I’ll talk about “The Club” first, since it doesn’t seem to be getting very much coverage. You might know the developers by their other famous franchise, “Project Gotham Racing“. At first glance, PGR might seem to be just another arcade racer filled with scores of shiny expensive cars. Unlike Ridge Racer or Need For Speed, your objective isn’t just to win races, but to impress everyone by racking up Kudos at the same time. Drifting through corners, 360s and drafting all earn you Kudos points, as does completing sections of the track without hitting anyone. If you can string together these different types of feats with a minimum amount of time passing between each one, you will build up a combo meter which increases your total number of Kudos when the combo finishes. It’s unique enough that PGR’s publisher, Microsoft, owns a patent on the system. Incidentally, this is only one of two patents for a system in a videogame I’m aware of. The other describes the Sanity System for Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem.

“The Club” is like PGR, except instead of controlling a car, you control one of an assortment of 8 mercenaries. And instead of pulling off car tricks, you shoot people.

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Mashups

Posted by on January 24, 2008 No comments

R. Kelly Vs. Broken Social Scene


Missy Elliot Vs. Gui Boratto

Hollywood, Do We Need to Have a Talk?

Posted by on January 18, 2008 No comments

Via the Film Junk blog, here’s the trailer for Tina Fey’s newest comedy, Baby Mama. which she seems to have a starring role in! I’ve watched the 30 Rock Season 1 DVDs so much that it’s really hard for me to watch this without thinking “Liz Lemon wouldn’t do that…”

Anyway, I don’t know… but is Hollywood trying to say something? In the past year, I’ve watched Katharine Heigl and Ellen Page get pregnant in “Knocked Up” and “Juno” respectively. Now it’s Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. It could just be a case of Hollywood following the latest trends. I hope that’s it, because I really treasure what we have, Hollywood. I just don’t know if we’re ready for kids. I mean, you’ve got this writer’s strike to deal with, and I just bought this kick-ass surfboard and I was going to go to Mexico with my bros JC and Dusty for a couple of months. You know how it is, babe.

You’re just a Tracer

Posted by on January 10, 2008 No comments

No real time to make a post today, I was working late and then I finished my first inked comic in a really long time, so that took a while.

Instead, here’s the lazy bloggers approach to lack of original content: The embedded Youtube video. This one is Lykke Li‘s first single “Little Bit”

Cursor*10

Posted by on January 9, 2008 No comments

This flash game has a pretty neat trick to it. You are presented with a series of levels, each of which has a variety of objects you can click on it. After a few seconds, your cursor dies and you start the game over again, but this time with the moves you did before playing again in real time. It’s like a co-op game you play by yourself!

 

Check it out!: Cursor*10

Assassin’s Creed, the Finishing

Posted by on January 9, 2008 No comments

Assassin’s Creed got did-ed last night at about 2:30 am. Probably the biggest failing of the game is that it presents itself as a game about blending into crowds, evading enemies and stealthily dispatching your targets.

By the end of the game, it turns into a straight-up beat-em-up in the style of Devil May Cry or Heavenly Sword. I mention those games in particular because while the majority of your Assassin’s Creed experience lets you choose to fight or flee, the last few levels remove that choice entirely. Invisible walls start popping up to prevent you from doing anything but fighting through the clumps of 10-15 enemies you’ll have to dispatch. It just doesn’t feel consistent with the rest of Altair’s actions.

I also have to say I was pretty disappointed with the ending. I’m not going to spoil it, but I felt it was an unsatisfying end to the game, especially since I actually enjoyed Desmond’s story more than Altair.

It’ll be interesting to see what Ubisoft does for the sequel. Hopefully they’ll be provided the time needed to make the game this should have been.

This is the worst hamburger I’ve ever had

Posted by on January 4, 2008 1 comment

When I hooked up my camera to download the pictures of the Too Human magazine cover, I discovered a bunch of photos I hadn’t bothered to transfer yet. One of them was this:

BK Bacon Double Homestyle Melt

This is the Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt, probably the most vile hamburger I’ve ever tasted. It was so foul that it made me scour the house for my misplaced camera, so that I could take a picture and one day document this processed package of putrescence.

“Hey, Soapbox Preacher” you’re probably thinking, “how can you go wrong with the Melt? Aren’t you a big fan of bacon double cheeseburgers? I mean, aren’t you a fatty?” First off, shut up. Secondly, how can a melt go wrong? Read on!

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Hey, look what I bought

Posted by on January 3, 2008 No comments

360 Gamer Too Human Cover (Small)Hey, lookit what I picked up in Chapters today! This isn’t the first cover our game has gotten, but it’s the first one in a while. You should go check it out, there’s a few pictures I haven’t seen anywhere else.