Author Archives: Soapbox Preacher - Page 2

Never Gonna Be Alone

Wow! Have you seen the latest Nickelback video for “Never Gonna Be Alone“? You haven’t? Oh man, it’s amazing. The video opens on a young woman on her wedding day. She arrives at the church, and makes her way to the alter to meet her future husband. As she turns back to look at her loving mother and father, we flashback in time to all the important moments of her life: graduating from university, high school prom – even her first bike ride! Each moment, her father is there for her. It’s awesome that he could be there for all the important moments of her life.

Then, we cut to her again, but as a young girl, attending her dad’s…. funeral? What the fuck! Holy shit, her dad is a motherfucking ghost! He’s been a ghost all this time! I have literally never been more surprised. Even the time when I watched Nickelback’s other video “Someday” and it turns out at the end that the Boyfriend that you thought was alive all along is also ghost! This was way more surprising, because I didn’t think anybody would be lazy and shitty enough to do exactly the same stupid video twice. Jesus christ. You have no idea what a strain it was to pretend I thought this garbage was amazing for two paragraphs.

A while ago, my friend Peter Lynn came up with an awesome way to annoy Nickelback lead singer, Chad Kroeger, by calling him Chad Nickelback. Seeing this terrible video inspired me to do this:

That little moustache you’ve got going on there is fucking gross, Chad. Also, if I was a female, I imagine that after looking at your picture, I would find my vagina clean and refreshed. That’s how douchey you look.

Green Thumbs Down

Hello! As it’s the summer, I’ve been spending most of my free time gardening. Or, more correctly “yard maintenance.” It is a situation that is too depressing to go into. It’s like a part-time job that doesn’t pay you.

I’m also playing a lot of inFamous for the PS3, which is a really great game. I believe I’m coming up on the end, judging on how much of the map is left, and how badly I’m getting the shit kicked out of me by hordes of well-trained snipers. I’ll have to try the game again on the evil side, worrying about civilians and my Karma accounts for a fair number of my deaths.

Intergalactic Gazette

Madeleine Hart’s book, Intergalactic Gazette, is now available direct from Trafford Publishing! It should be available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble shortly, if that’s more of your thing.

What’s it all about? Well:

Hoarding enemy rocks, abducted aliens, a narcissistic spacecraft, a reckless orange space-Dumpster, oh yes, and a rapidly evolving Pickle. In the Spurious galaxy bad luck has a sense of humour.

Why not check out the Chapter 1?

Uh oh, how did that happen?

So I was wondering why I keep getting comments on my post about Spence Diamonds. It’s literally two years old at this point and the terrible commercials I was making fun of are long gone. Uh… I figured it out.

I have never laughed harder at anything I’ve ever done.

Goodbye, Dirt!


Hey, check out what M got for Christmas! The Lego Ultimate Collector’s Millenium Falcon. It’s the biggest kit Lego has ever made, at over 5000 pieces. Last year, she got me the Death Star II, which was 3400 pieces, and that took about 15 hours to build. So I’m expecting this to be an all-weekend project. It’s becoming something of a tradition to build some massive Star Wars Lego object. Last year was the Death Star, the year before that an AT-ST, and I think I assembled the Tie Fighter and X-Wing a few years before. The Ultimate Collector’s and Creator series are really the closest to my earliest experiences with lego. Very few fancy parts to overly simplify the building process, which means you get massive amounts of reusable pieces for making your own creations.

This is it after removing the shipping container.And here’s what it looks like after about 2-3 hours of sorting and preparation. I’m timing this based on watching David Spade’s “Take the Hit” and Eddie Murphy’s “Raw” back to back. I think I watched an episode of Naruto in there as well. Apparently, if you’re in the States, you can watch the entire show of “Raw” for free on, so that’s pretty cool. Anyway, back to the building.

Lucky there’s a Family Guy

Hey, I was just talking to a friend and he told me this crazy rumour about “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane. It seems that every morning after Seth wakes up, he pours himself a big mug of black coffee, which he then pours down the sink. He repeats this two more times before he pours a final cup to drink. Now, the reason he does this is apparently on the day Fox signed on for the first season of “Family Guy,” Seth spilt three cups of coffee because he was so nervous before the meeting with the Fox management. Now he does it every day for good luck!

And after he’s finished his cup of coffee, he goes down into the second, hidden, basement of his Hollywood mansion. There, he sacrifices a puppy on the black alter of his dark master. And when Seth dies at the height of his popularity, with 37 shows on TV, and at the ripe age of 666, the Devil himself will transport his body on a sled made from the bones of history’s greatest villains to the bowels of hell. And once he’s there, he will burn constantly on a pillar of black flame until the end of days.

And I was like “Seth MacFarlane? Doesn’t he have a third animated show coming out, starring Family Guy third-runger and all-around bland nobody Cleveland?” but my friend, having spoken aloud the name of the great deceiver, lay crumpled on the ground, eyes boiling in his skull.

Pretty crazy rumour, huh?

I’ve been Wicked

I am so lazy. Another video post, but I can’t not link this – the track “Talons” from Bloc Party’s new CD “Intimacy” which came out last week. I’m a huge Bloc Party fan, and “Intimacy” does not disappoint. “Signs” in particular is as good as “Compliments” from their first CD. Check it out!

What are the chances of that like?

Today’s been a surprising day for music:
“Cath…” by Death Cab for Cutie

and “On the Edge of a Cliff” by “The Streets”

I am Murloc!

Illidan Statue at Blizzcon '08

I somehow managed to survive Blizzcon ’08 without my feet exploding from standing in lines for 3 days straight. I’ll say this for Blizzard – they put on one hell of a convention for their fans! The tickets were $100 each, but I think they we got half that back in the goody bag alone. A starter pack of the WoW collectible card game, an account authenticator, three different keychains, and a 4-foot-long inflatable sword among other things. Oh, and a minature bottle of hand-sanitizer. Precious, precious hand-sanitizer.

I’d normally think using hand-sanitizer when you’re not a health-care professional would be a little extreme. I didn’t think that after I sat down at one of the communal Diablo 3 PCs. This is not a joke, or an exaggeration: One of the people who sat at or near that terminal before me smelt like a backed-up toilet. When buying a few shirts from the store, I stood behind a man who smelled like stale urine.

Probably the highlight of the show was the closing ceremony. Patton Oswalt did infact appear to do a show, and I hope some of it appears in his CD coming out next year. The in-house Blizzard band, Level 70 Elite Tauren Chieftan played 4 or 5 songs. For those of you not familiar with them, L70etc is a heavy-metal band made up of Blizzard employees, including the Art Director on vocals and the president of the company on Bass. Closing out the night was Videogames Live playing selections from various Blizzard games.

Unfortunately, I missed most of the section on Friday night hosted by Jay Mohr. I’d really liked to have seen the costume contest. Check out the winner. That turtle is not a dude in a costume.

I did get to see the Dance contest, though. Here’s the winner of that: